Why is it that most Christians don't look very different from others?

Why is it that most Christians don't look very different from others? Yet, at that same time how many of those Christians are truly Christian? I am a poor excuse of a Christian. I am weak, and mean. I put others down and think I'm better. I waste my time and food and money. I don't even heal people. I can barely muster a phrase of encouragement. I indulge in entertainment. What's on next? Plus when I say that I am a Christian most people will associate me with a particular religion that of the Western American mega loser Church. However I myself don't necessarily ascribe to all the tenets of Christian religion. I am faith filled yet not full of faith, I am spiritual, yet not religious. I don't believe in the mainstream thought that has held faith hostage and captive for so long. I am filled with God's love for creation and humankind. I feel so close to finding a new path. My journey as led me to question. Yet to never doubt God's existence or the life of Christ. How much God loves others and me. But if there is so much love why are things this way? For me and my previous thinking: it's time to give it up and throw it out and begin again, and stop thinking that Christians will save the world because they can't. And stop thinking that Christians are so right. So we are getting ready to act yet not sure exactly what. It so helps to know people that truly love, care, believe in friendship, share in creation and creativity, that seek to put others first, that want to change themselves before they change the world, that will give unto the least of these. Whether these people have faith, it doesn't matter now. Just to be together, to learn together, to explore.